What The Actual Fuck Am I Doing

This goes out to all my fellow lost 20 somethings. I once posted a quote on Facebook that said « Most people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 75 », needless to say, it did not sit well. I’m 25 now and this is so not what I expected life to be like at this age.

Whether you’re not happy with your job, your relationship(s), living at home with your parents, living alone in a one bedroom apartment, not making ends meet, feeling like there’s constantly people out there living the life you wish you had, at the end of the day we’re all going through the same thing.

We had this picture perfect life outlined : get your degree, get a job, get a car, get a house, get married, get a bigger house, ad infinitum. The multitude of things we wanted seemed so realistic, money could get you those things ! And then reality happened and you found out that getting that money was pretty draining in itself and the energy to do something else was practically nonexistent (shout out to those of you out there who still party hard every night, you are the true heroes of our generation).

But I digress. What I want to say is that ultimately what needs to happen is the final stage of grief : acceptance.

You (and I) need to accept that this is maybe not what we imagined when we were 16 and had curfews. You’re not yet the boss ass bitch you dream to be, but lamenting about it is what holds you back. We’re literally wasting time wallowing about lost dreams and potential while this energy could be used to do something positive instead. One step at a time, rebuilding yourself. From scratch. Forget everything you thought you knew about yourself, all the opportunities you missed and all the things you didn’t do. Think about what you’re GOING to do. Let yourself be free from your own expectations. Get rid of the cloud that follows you like a sad emo cartoon character. You don’t need to eternal sunshine your mind. You need to realize that everything you failed (or thought you failed) is making you who you are now, you’re more experienced, you’re more realistic about what you actually need and want. The relationships you think you’re losing are just an understanding that not everything is forever, the way you so naively thought when you were little. Things that held so much meaning to you now seem unimportant.

All of this should make you confident, you are making decisions, even though they may seem harsh, you know that they’re the right ones to take. Every time you’re disappointed, tell yourself you’re disappointing the little kid in you, who believed in notions like forever and always. You’re not actually disappointing yourself now, otherwise you wouldn’t have taken that decision in the first place. You know intellectually what’s good and what’s bad for you.

Being an adult doesn’t have to suck this bad. You can choose to spend your sunday in bed and no one can say a word about it. Admittedly, everything’s on you, but so is your success. It is on you to get all the things you wish for, so instead of being your worst critic, learn to be your best friend. You wouldn’t like it if someone was sitting next to your actual best friend and kept insulting them would you? You would feel indignant, how dare they insult this beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world, too pure ? You would certainly harshly stop them. Well, why don’t you do that to that little voice in your own head? You would be angered if someone was attacking your best friend viciously and with no apparent reason other than being mean, turns out you already do that to yourself everyday. So just, stop.

Wake up and lie to yourself if you don’t believe it yet. Fake it till you make it. Face your mirror and say « I’m a boss ass bitch and I will take down the world. » Be nice to yourself, be your best friend forever. And if someone laughs at you for being too cocky or too confident, laugh at them for being a ridiculous excuse of a human being. No one should tear other people down.


I wish and I know everything will work out eventually, and if you still think you’re lost, just know that you’re not the only one.

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  • Samiche

    THIS. This is what I needed to read/hear. From every single 20 something person that thinks they failed in life, thank you.

    juin 2, 2015 at 6:08
  • Oumy

    You’re so inspiring ! Thank you, this made my afternoon/night (moment dhesitation) keep up

    juin 2, 2015 at 8:12
  • Dougnut lover ( the cat)

    I’m not 20-something yet , but I’m not going to let it happen for me. Thanks ! I’ll live with you le temps que le bac finisse hahaha love!

    juin 2, 2015 at 8:40
  • Fatima

    Very inspiring to read, I can really relate to the things you have mentioned and your positive outlook has really inspired me and made me feel a sense of relief that I am not the only one feeling like this 🙂

    juin 2, 2015 at 9:10
  • Bibi

    Finally all the things you say are now written in black and white. I just wanted you to know how proud I am of you.

    juin 3, 2015 at 2:02
  • Ali B

    Amazing writing, didn’t know that you were so « unstable », but it reassures me to know that I’m not alone living this 20 something shit !

    Thank you 🙂

    juin 3, 2015 at 6:28
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