I just finished watching La La Land after first starting to watch it a month ago; I’m not great with movies, they’re really long and except if I’m in a movie theater, odds are I won’t get through it in just one sitting. Anyway my heart is very broken and I’ve spent the last five minutes sobbing in a pillow. My husband is out running errands and I’m home alone on a Sunday night. Not the most cheerful way to end your week end.
I’ve always been about achieving your dreams. I’ve talked about it, dreamed about it, pushed everyone I knew to do so. I wanted to be so many things, and I still do. I feel like life isn’t to be lived in a mediocre way. Just getting by. No, I feel like we have too little to live and too many to do. There’s a fire in everyone’s heart that’s just waiting to burst. We’re all here for a reason, and we’re all meant to shine, in so many different ways, in so many lovely ways. Life is extremely beautiful, when we’re talking about paradise we often forget that we’re already living in one. The scenery is breathtaking and the people you get to meet and to love are something other wordly. It’s an experience worth living fully.
And I never thought that my life was only about finding someone and getting married, having kids and dying a peaceful death. That was just a plus, an added bonus. But for a person’s life to be fulfilled, to know happiness, she has to be true to her heart’s most profound desires. And that’s the whole message of the movie. That in order for a person to accomplish her dreams, she must sometimes sacrifice love in the process. I just profoundly hated it.
I could never imagine myself sacrificing my life, the things I’ve fought for, the dreams I had, for someone. No one was ever worth it. And I talked a big game and I side eyed people for whom getting married was the ultimate life goal. But after watching this movie, and sobbing like a crybaby at the ending, I realized that putting your dreams first isn’t all that it’s jazzed up to be. Because they both got what they wanted, but they didn’t get each other. And now that I know what being in love truly is, what being supported really means, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I still want to achieve my goals, but I want to do so with him by my side. I wanna lay up at night huddled in his arms, feeling his warmth and getting to kiss him goodnight. I want to take care of him and his needs, just like he does mine. I now know the true value of being in love, of how much strength it gives me, how much affection and how much support. My dreams are mine, and he has his, but it doesn’t mean that we have to sacrifice one for the other.
I’ve criticized for a long time princess movies because happy endings don’t happen in real life. It’s not that they happen in real life, it’s that we don’t believe they can. It’s not that they were lame, it’s that I was sour. I let being cynical get to me, I thought I was simply being realistic. But who decided that reality meant being negative ? Meant thinking that some things were just impossible ? Who said that ? I can think for myself, I can create my own reality, every day I do when I wake up. If I decide to lay in bed all day, that’s the reality I’ll have. If I decide to go and climb a mountain, that’s the reality I’ll create. I can waste my whole day or I can make the most of it. We create our lives into existence, life doesn’t just happen to us, we’re the leaders, everyone is the hero of his own journey.
So the movie was about showing that ultimately what mattered was their own personal dreams, and that their love was a collateral damage. I say don’t buy into that whole jaded trend, « happy endings are not real life » type of thinking, I did for a long time and what it did was just lead me straight into depression. When I got tired of feeling unhappy all the time and tried being positive for a change; since I never was for a day in my life; I achieved so many things I never thought were even possible. I let someone in and it healed my heart, I went to another country just like Mia did and yet I came back to find him. I traveled alone and he was always in my heart. I achieved my dreams with him by my side. I never thought not even one second that it was possible for us to stop being together, it wasn’t even a question, being far apart just meant we weren’t physically around each other, it didn’t mean anything else. It was hard but I knew I would come back eventually. Mia did come back from Paris, didn’t she ?
My point is you don’t have to choose, you can have it all.