Well hello there depressing blog title. Let’s just get to it.
You feel bad that you’re feeling bad because there are people out there who have it way worse. You’re right, you have a roof over your head, you’re an actual rich person. But this doesn’t stop you from feeling like shit. It took me a lot of time to come to terms with that.
I was like, I can’t go to therapy and whine about my life, that’s for people with serious mental health issues. Well, no. Sometimes, your fears become so overwhelming, so overbearing, that you end up handicapped. You can’t move. Everything seems like so much effort, and you end up convincing yourself that the things you want the most, you dont really need them. You convince yourself that you’re okay with not trying in the first place, because, what if you fail ? What if people find out ? What if you disappoint your parents, what if you disappoint yourself ? So you stick to your corner and you think that not everyone has to be successful and not everyone has to be the best. And it’s true, but the thing is, you’re not required to be the best, you’re required to enjoy yourself, you’re required to be happy.
So if you like something, if you want to be the best at it, go smash it! And if you just wanna do it for the sake of doing it, you DO IT. You can be the worst painter in the world, but as long as it makes you happy, by all means, paint as many paintings as you please. Take pictures of them and share them with your friends, tag it #ThisSucksLol, embrace your lameness. You are NOT required to be the best. If it’s karaoke night and you feel like singing but are afraid that you’re gonna annoy people with your voice, tell me honestly how many actual great singers you met at karaoke. That’s right, everyone sounds like a dying hyena, so why do they have the right to do it and you dont?
Stop putting so much pressure on yourself, you’re gonna crumble. Clear eyes, full hearts, cant lose. Man, I wish I was the one that came up with such a badass quote. Quick shoutout to Coach Taylor, forever in my heart. It’s a thing to hear it on tv, but you get motivated for like 5 minutes and then you go back to eating ice cream in your bed.
To be honest, that little comfort zone you go to when you feel down is really comforting. And people keep telling you to put yourself out there, but « out there » just seems so dangerous and foreign. Well, when you keep denying yourself the things you really want, you’re slowly falling into an abyss, where you do those little soothing things over and over again; playing your favorite video games, marathoning ALL the tv shows there is, making a burrito blanket of yourself and hiding from the world, and the list goes on. Those things are fine don’t get me wrong, they are perfect because they’re your gateway from the reality you don’t like. But at some point, it’s not enough anymore. You won’t even take pleasure in doing them, they’ll become your new habit, just like a job, and you’ll get sick and tired of everything. And we’re back to square one and that’s not the point.
The point is for you to say fuck it. I don’t care if the people I used to know still hold an incomprehensible power over me and what I think of myself, I don’t care if I’m doubting myself, I don’t care if this is perfect, I don’t care if other people are doing it better, I don’t care if people judge me, I don’t care if it doesn’t lead to anything. I Just Want To Do It.
And I will, and so should you.
Btdubs : everyone who judges you for liking something you enjoy is a toxic piece of trash that you need to get rid of asap.