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Self-Help

Girls Just Wanna Be Left Alone

I read in a magazine once that in order to pamper his ego, a woman is not to brag about her job if she makes more than her companion. I was in a hair salon, my phone died, I was tied to a chair, reading that piece of trash was the only option I had, don’t judge me.

Anyway, this little insightful recommandation adds up to the pile of crap people give girls concerning how they should behave with men. There’s plenty, a myriad, so many advices you don’t know what to do with. Sometimes it’s one thing, sometimes it’s the total opposite but hey, you’re a girl, you’re supposed to know how to juggle. The gold medal though maybe goes to the « don’t seem too smart, guys are turned off by a know it all and/or are feeling threatened by your intelligence ». I’m sorry I didn’t get the memo that my life mission was to turn on guys, my apologies.

Another gem I used to get from my girlfriend (internalized misogyny is not a myth my friends) was to stop wearing sneakers all the time « you wanna seem girly to be attractive ». Again, being attractive was not and is not a life mission of mine but okay. One time we were passing this couple on the street and the girl was wearing exactly the same type of things I was wearing, and you have my friend that goes « aww I LOVE what she’s wearing ». Hm, excuse me? We’re wearing the exact same thing. « Yeah but she’s already in a relationship so ». See, there are rules. Once you have that guy locked down you’re allowed to be yourself again. I don’t know if it’s maddening or saddening.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a boyfriend, girlfriend, someone special in your life, but you shouldn’t have to fit to certain criteria to get that person. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be feminine and wear high heels all the time (I honestly believe girls who always wear heels are warriors and should be feared and respected). But policing what a woman should and shouldn’t do with her body, the way she dresses, the way she sits, the way she laughs, the way she talks, basically ANYTHING policing what a woman does; should stop forever.

We teach girls to say « it’s nothing I’m fine », because we’re gonna call her emotional, dramatic, princess, if she breaks down and cries. We’re gonna call a little boy « girl » as an insult, as if the worst thing that could happen to a boy is be a girl, as if girls were second class citizens. We as a generation should stop this, even if we sometimes find sexist jokes funny, because our brains have been programmed that way. If you’re a comedian and your jokes fall flat, you gotta learn how to make new ones. And it’s our responsibility to stop being dismissive « oh you gotta learn how to take a joke ! ». One, telling me what to do and how to react was not and will never be cute; and second a joke is not a joke if it offends someone. As a man you don’t get to tell me what’s funny. If I, a girl, tells you that something is offensive, you can be smart and take my word for it. You’re not in my shoes, we don’t have the same life experience, how could you get it?

I shouldn’t have to argue and give you a powerpoint presentation on how that hurt my feelings. I don’t have to justify myself to you, to validate myself, to ask for your understanding. If you’re a decent human being, you’re just taking my word for it. You don’t have to see someone physically hurt to believe they’re hurt.

The point is, stop belittling women’s feelings, stop telling them to loosen up, to relax, to smile a little. Women don’t need your unwanted opinion, especially if it’s condescending. Ask yourself : is the world going to be a better place if I tell her I don’t like her make up? If the answer is no, then don’t fucking say it.

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