As someone who likes to write, you’re alwyays torn between wanting to say too much and not wanting to say anything at all. You don’t wanna give out every aspect of yourself to the public eye but at the same time if its not coming from a very personal space then it doesn’t resonate at all. And it doesn’t have to touch everyone but if you can reach some people that needed to read those words, then your purpose is done.
People want to be understood and see that what they live is kinda the same as everyone else. Sometimes you get so caught up in our own problems you feel like the ultimate loser in the world. And you’re ashamed of your non accomplishments and failures and you end up shutting yourself completely down. There’s this thing happening where I see fewer people I know when I go out (when I do, I’m leading a middle aged housewife life at this point), everyone hides under the guise of working too much and being tired, because no one wants to say the same old thing, which is « I’m not happy with myself ». No one feels like being a downer when practically everyone is already ten feet deep.
Sure you can be the most positive person in the whole wild word, be as supportive and compassionate as you can with the people you love, your relatives, be kind and tolerant, and yet when it comes to you, you’re the most judgemental harshest critic out there. And we’re all guilty of doing it. But there’s a stigma out there, the one that says you should pretend everything’s fine, everything’s under control, you got this. Turns out most people don’t.
Most people struggle just like you, high expectations, low self esteem, feeling of not making the most out of their lives. And instead of talking this out with whoever wanna listen, people hide. Inside their own heads (and we all know that’s where madness resides).
So I don’t know, maybe the point of me writing this is to say that I’m as clueless as everyone else, to say that I’m trying my best to be happy, that sometimes everyday feels like a struggle, but it’s liberating to let it out. To say I don’t know what I’m doing, to say maybe this is not going according to plan but I’ll make this one up as I go.
Maybe I wanna say that I feel your pain, that you’re not alone, that you’re gonna get through this, that someday, you’re gonna be just so happy.