I don’t understand how kids go to school and learn about all types of different things, and yet don’t have classes that concern THEM. They learn about physics, mathematics, history and geography, languages, but yet there’s a lack of focus on their self development, being conscious of who they are and why they behave the way they do. We say that person is educated because they went to college, but that person could have the highest diploma on earth and yet fail miserably at analyzing complex human emotions. This is why there are bad leaders, bad parents and bad teachers. We are taught superficial things, matters that don’t have a direct impact on ourselves, and this goes on and on and generation after generation is not woke.
We watch each other all the time, and you see people with tremendous potential not do much with it, as you see people who are shy and self conscious, or even loud and obnoxious, and the first thing we say is that this person wasn’t well raised, didn’t get enough love or attention, or was yelled at a lot. And all those things are true, it’s sometimes a combination of all the above, but how can we expect parents to raise children, while themselves aren’t fully grown yet ?
There’s different modes when it comes to personal behavior, when your emotions get the best of you, and you feel anger or sadness, that’s the little kid inside of you, the one who got hurt, humiliated, rejected, left alone at some point in time. Those events pile up in our memory, and combined with the happy ones make us who we are, the good and the bad. Sometimes when we’re in a situation that resemble something we lived before, an altercation, a fight, we tend to react the same way we always did. That’s you appealing to your go-to emotion, something triggered it and you’re back to your old ways. Yelling or crying, or even fleeting, a reaction that you’re used to when faced to a situation that makes you uncomfortable. That’s not how fully grown adults are supposed to function, yet we do it all the time.
This is why it is majorly important to check yourself, your behaviors, and see how you can improve them, and start acting calmly even when you feel like bursting out of your skin. That’s as much for your sake, as it is for your partner, for your family, for your kids, for the people around you. Because we all want so bad that the people around us could change, could be more understanding, more quick to understand, and somehow we don’t even apply those changes to ourselves. You’re only in charge of yourself, you’re not responsible of anyone else, you can’t change anyone, ever. And as soon as you get that, the better you start to feel. Because at that time, you start making the difference between what situation is beneficial to you, and which one is toxic, and you start removing yourself from toxic environments all by yourself, without being forced to. You start to learn what is good for your mental health.
Granted, not everyone can afford therapy, it’s expensive and time consuming. But you can do little exercices by yourself when you’re alone. You think of a childhood memory that really hurt you, whether it was your parents that yelled at you for something you think was unjustified, or your teacher, or even your little friends. Anything that made you feel less than enough, not worthy. You think of that and you picture yourself, and you go to that little kid and pick them up. Pick them up in your hands and say reassuring words to them, say that you’ll be there for them, that you’re here now, that you’re the one who’s in charge of their happiness. That way you’ll convey to yourself that you don’t need anyone else to be happy, your happiness relies in your hands, you are the only one in charge of how you feel.
This is how you get your power back in your hands, hurtful words or situations can never scar you again, you begin to heal. And this is something you could do as long as you want, pick out every single moment that made you feel bad about yourself and repeat the exercice. It’s okay if it doesn’t work at first because there’s so much stuff that holds you back from getting in touch with your emotions, but you can be patient with yourself and do it whenever you want to, you can be your own savior. And you’ll know you’re better when you’ll no longer feel attacked by comments people can make about you, you won’t get defensive or feel the need to cry or scream. You’ll just nod and give a polite smile or an impolite fuck off, your choice.
So yes, I do believe it’s very important for children to have classes that teach them about that, that way they won’t even have to deal with so much trauma and angst in their early adulthood; so much stuff they want to do yet goals that seem unattainable just because of their crippling fear that holds them back, that little voice that whispers « you’re not good enough ». Yes you’re good enough, yes you can accomplish your dreams, no don’t listen to the haters, they’re just really really angry little kids inside.